Its Oscar week! I’ve never lived in LA around Oscar season. I wonder if all the billboards hyping up Oscar night are typical or a plead for ratings due to the prior writer’s strike. Either way, I’m pretty pumped for this years Oscars because several movies that came out this year were truly badass and because Jon Stewart has writers. For those who have no clue what’s even nominated, go here. Finally, my predictions and personal picks.

Best Makeup
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Why? Because it takes the most cutting edge 21st century technology to make Kieth Richards look like a drunk rock-n-roll star and Kiera Knightly to look substantially present at all.

Personally… I would love to see Norbit win, “Academy Award Winner Norbit, now on DVD…”

Original Song
“That’s How You Know” from Enchanted
Why? Because I saw this movie on a date and this musical number kicked ass. Busby Berkeley still lives in this massive caberret number. Original song is voted on by being viewed within context and this Disney show was definitely a crowd pleaser.

Personally… Falling Slowly from Once is the best song from a film I’ve ever seen. Do your self a favor and watch that scene because it still gives me shivers its so good. It’s raw emotion in a musical like you’ve never seen.

Original Score
Ratatouille
Why? Because this movie was flawless and the score pushed the animation to another level. Outstanding movies win all categories.

Personally… Radiohead’s Johnny Greenwood’s score from There Will Be Blood is the most influential score of the decade. Fuck you academy rulebook. I hope Joan Rivers goes on strike!

Sound Editing
Transformers
Why? Because Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins went out and recorded thousands of new sounds to make 30 foot robots come alive. The animation wouldn’t work if you didn’t hear every piston and metallic pop of Optimus Prime’s fist. I had the pleasure of meeting these guys at a panel and they truly are sound gods.

Personally… I think all sentient beings have the right to life.

Sound Mixing
No Country For Old Men
Why? Because those quiet moments of existenialism cut short by the sound of Bardem’s silence shotgun are terrifying. Mixing is how all the sound comes together and I think it defined this film’s voice. Just watch the scene where Brolin goes back to check and see if the Mexican is still alive in the desert to see how powerful the mixing is.

Personally… I think the mixing on 3:10 to Yuma was superb. The west never sounded so good.

Film Editing
No Country For Old Men
Why? Because each scene begins and ends at the most perfect moment. Zero fat. The pacing is amazing and how about that ending?

Personally… I’d love to see editor Roderick Jaynes take the Oscar for No Country because, well, he doesn’t exist! The Coen Brothers cut their own films and use this pen-name for union issues. Expect to see the same actor they hired to play Roderick when Fargo won to pop up on Oscar night.

Documentary Feature
Sicko
Why? Because its the only documentary nominated that I’ve seen, Michael Moore is an Oscar slut, and health care is such a huge issue in the Presidential bid this year. How can you lose?

Personally… I also thought it was a damn good feature.

Cinematography
There Will Be Blood
Why? Because Robert Elswit kicked unholy ass with his lens across the Texas landscape. Just think of the first 15 minutes, where the cinematography sets up the entire story, or when the oil rig catches fire and Daniel Plainview sits on his chair. It’s just non-stop perfection. Oh yeah, that last shot on the bowling alley is legendary.

Personally… It’s a toss up because the cinematography in No Country was just as good, but I’m a sucker for the epic.

Art Direction
Atonement
Why? Because this movie has been a little whore at award shows. It’s overrated and long and depressing. That said, I’d expect it to win here because the film certainly has what the Academy loves: period piece epic love story.

Personally… as crap-tarded as The Golden Compass was story wise, the art direction was jaw dropping. I’d also like to see Sweeny Todd slash Atonement apart.

Foreign Language Film
Oh, I didn’t realize other countries made films this year. Blame your local cineplex.

Animated Feature
Ratatouille
Why? Because its the highest rated film of the year. The story was much more intimate than any other Pixar movie and the animation set the bar extremely high. Brad Bird is a living legend amongst Miyozaki.

Personally… Persopolis could take the award as dark horse. It’s much more mature and far less known and in French. Remember when Spirited Away took the prize?

Adapted Screenplay
No Country For Old Men
Why? Because it stayed true to the existential (I went to college and learned big words!) themes of the book of the same name and worked beautifully as a western, thriller, crime, drama. Come on folks it was flawless

Personally… PT Anderson’s There Will Be Blood based on Upton Sinclair’s old school muckraking novel Oil! is a really badass idea, but its a loose adaptation. You might see Diving Bell and the Butterfly win because those academy members love films with pretentious names.

Original Screenplay
Ratatouille
Why? I know its an odd choice, but this story has never been told. It was completely original with new themes and characters. The award is for “Original”, not “re-hash”.

Personally… If Juno wins for its annoying as fuck dialog that may be cute but isn’t natural and references pop-culture music in the same vein as Garden State I’m gonna snap. You won’t like me when I’m a drunk Irishman and angry.

Director
Paul Thomas Anderson for There Will Be Blood
Why? Watch this film. Go ahead, watch it.

Personally… you might see the Coen Brother’s up at the podium for No Country just as likely.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Cate Blanchett for I’m Not There
Why? Cause she’s Cate “get-the-fuck-out-of-my-way-Merril-Streep” Blanchett and she’s also nominated for leading actress.

Personally… Tilda Swinton from Michael Clayton was amazing. But the female categories are pretty lame this year. Shame.

Acress in a Leading Role
Ellen Page for Juno
Why? Did anyone see any of the other movies? This year didn’t have any leading ladies that grabbed attention. I’ll shoot the moon with Ellen Page, though I doubt she’ll win.

Personally… Ellen Page is hotter when she’s pregnant.

Actor in a Supporting Role
Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men
Why? Cause he’s the meanest mother fucker since Hannibal Lecter. I want that haircut!

Personally… Casey Affleck turned in two great performances this year, but I don’t think they’ll win over Bardem’s now infamous character.

Actor in a Leading Role
Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood
Why? He is the best actor there has ever been. Period. No actor has ever embodied his characters so completely. Never for an instance are you reminded that he is performing. He is simply flawless and terrifying. The whole film is a tour-de-force showcasing his talent. Some say that he’s won too many awards to win again, but I think he’s won so many awards for a reason. The guy makes a movie every 5 or 6 years and when he does it’s obvious that he’s the best in the industry at what he does.

Personally… Johnny Depp could come from behind for Sweeney Todd but Daniel Day-Lewis is too much a badass to allow that horseshit to occur.

BEST PICTURE
No Country For Old Men
Why? It’s a hot contest between No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. Both are best pictures of the year. Both will be remembered in film studies classes and over analyzed. Both are extremely dark films shot in the same area of Texas. Both center on strong male performances and lack any significant female characters. Both have some of the best endings to films I’ve seen since Saw. (Did I really just say that?). So all those similarities aside I think No Country For Old Men will win because it was simply more crowd pleasing and redeeming than There Will Be Blood. Folks, it’s a real toss up!

Personally… I think There Will Be Blood is the best film of the decade and No Country is best film of the year. There Will Be Blood is an instant American classic about the way we do business and do religion. It’s much more epic in scope and themes compared to No Country’s theme that “nothing in life matters”. Both are excellent films and I’m thrilled to see true masterpieces back in the Best Picture category. Oh, and if Juno wins I’ll be gouging out my eyeballs with sporks and selling them on eBay. In such a case, let me know if you want to bid.

To quote the last words of Daniel Plainview: “I’m finished.”